Fanon:Chapter 4 - Falling In (SM)

"Falling In" is the fourth chapter of .

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Chapter 4 - Falling In
All Asami heard was "love". Korra loved her. Not just liked, she loved her. Her hand slipped from Korra's arm and dropped to her her side, Korra's warmth still lingering in her palm. Korra wanted to be with her. As a couple. With her.

"I love you, and I–I think that you love me, too." Korra made eye contact, and drowning in those clear-blue pools, Asami nearly missed the question that held such promise and doom at the same time. "Do you?"

Now what?

She had not been prepared for this. Asami had come to terms with liking Korra and even being attracted to her, and she had made it her mission to find out if Korra was on the same page, but the one thing she had not taken into account was ... what if Korra was a chapter ahead of her?

Asami was prepared for a conversation where she asked all the questions and made the big statements. She had not prepared for a situation where Korra actually answered her right of the bat in a manner what way exceeded what she had processed herself.

Korra wanted to be a couple? A romantic couple? With her?

For the second time that night, her mind utterly jammed. Korra wanted her. Just her.

"Asami?"

Although, "just her" was rather naive. Korra was the Avatar, she was the CEO of a multi-million yuan company. It would be foolish to assume that they would be able to keep anything a secret. Everyone would know, would ... suspect, would ... think and talk about the sort of things that they would do together ... Spirits, she could already see the headlines in Benders Magazine, "Avatar Korra bending more than just the elements", "SEO of Future Industries tapping into a whole new market". Urgh, what would that do for their reputation? The reputation of her company? People were going to have opinions. The world was going to have opinions. Again. She had worked so hard to rehabilitate her company and bring it back from the brink of bankruptcy after her father had nearly destroyed it ... This could ruin all her work. All the people that worked for her, counted on her to provide them with their monthly paycheck.

During her relentless attempts to solve the mysterious and intriguing puzzle that were her feelings for Korra, Asami had never felt embarrassed or ashamed about them. Maybe it had been foolish and shortsighted of her to solely focus on getting the answers rather than what she would do with them once she had them. Like what she would do if some contractors would refuse to continue to do business with Future Industries due to her relationship with Korra. Or if her stock would drop because of bigoted buyers backing down. Sure, a lot had changed since the days of the militaristically repressive Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation declaring same-sex relationships illegal. At least the people of Republic City seemed to be more accepting, but there would always be negative repercussions that would impact her business. What if she would have to fire people ... And for what? Just because she loved Korra? Considering both their responsibilities, was that really even an opt—Wait, "loved Korra"? Was Korra right? Did she ... love her, too? Was that the final piece of her puzzle?

"Can you say something?"

Love ... It had been so long though ... She had loved her mother, and then she was taken from her. She had loved her father, and then he was taken from her. Mako? In a way, he too had been taken from her. By Korra, ironically. Whatever she had ever called love had ended badly. Love ... it was messy and painful. Sure, it started out as something magical and warm and utterly blissful, but loving someone also meant to open oneself up for suffering, as there was no way or logic to guide you through. Maybe they would break your heart, maybe you would break theirs. From past experience, Asami had discovered that love was destructive. It made one dependant, weak ... lonely. People always left.

Korra had left.

Asami understood why she had left, she really did, but that didn't mean that those three years without Korra had been among the most lonely in her life. She had missed Korra to the point where it had physically hurt. She had lain awake in the midst of night, staring out of her window at the full moon, that perfect pearl in the sky ... And all it had done was remind her of the times she had watched Korra practice her waterbending in the bay. She had missed her best friend so much she had even petitioned the city council to rename the park in Korra's honor and erect a statue in her likeness. She had spent days perfecting the plans for the monument and even more resting underneath it—though if anyone ever asked, she'd done all that because Korra simply deserved the recognition.

But Korra had left.

For months, years, Asami had refused to cry about her absence and just focused on her work, going through the motions like one of the machines she created. Despite the pain, she had not shed a single tear about the gaping hole her best friend had left behind. She had neatly locked them all away to never look back ... and then she had received Korra's letter. Reading Korra apologize for not reaching out, reading her strong Avatar admitting to her struggles, reading Korra entrusting her with her deepest fears, having some form of contact after so long—and she'd known precisely how long it had been—it had shattered her resolve to not cry. Every tear she had held back, every drop of sadness she had hidden away, it had come pouring out like an unstoppable flood. It had felt like every tear had taken a piece of her heart with it.

"Okay ... You know what, Asami, I umm ... I remembered, I ummm ..."

Asami had called in sick the rest of that week and had spent it sitting on the rug in her living room pondering the meaning behind her breakdown, the letter and her wine keeping her company. Had she really been that dumb? That naive to not realize that the missing piece was love? No. She'd never been those things. What she had been—and perhaps still was—was terrified. If she was truly honest with herself, she had always known exactly how she felt about Korra and that it was more than just liking or being attracted to her. She loved her so much it scared the life out of her, because where would admitting that leave her if Korra got hurt? Or if she died? The Avatar constantly had to put herself in danger for the greater good of everyone else ... She already nearly died once ... If Korra would actually die ... It would be the end of Asami. Everyone she had ever loved had left.

Korra had left.

"Whatever, I gotta go. I'll see you later."

So Asami had began running away from love, but she had apparently run into Korra's arms, and Korra was willing to risk everything for it ... So why couldn't she? Risking it would mean getting hurt again ... the risks of love were a burden, but... wasn't Korra the first person she thought about when she let her mind wander? Wasn't she the last person to cross her mind before falling asleep? Wasn't she the one who could brighten Asami's darkest days by just showing up and being there?

Love had always been a burden weighing her down, but maybe, if she finally stopped running and took that chance, it could be a burden like wings, a burden that lifted her up and allowed her to fly. Love had been nothing but painful, but so had been walking away from love, and hadn't the pain of letting Korra go and missing her been worse?

People always left.

Korra had left.

But ...

Korra had also come back.

To her.

The realisation struck her like lightning and jump-started her back into the present. The present where Korra had started to walk away from her.

"Korra, wait!"

But Korra didn't wait. She picked up her pace and trotted toward the end of the dock. The hard slaps of her soles on the wood beat in unison with Asami's heart. Korra had risked love, and Asami had not moved. And now Korra was willing to let go, was letting go, but Asami was not, could not, not when she had just found the courage to solve her puzzle. She slipped out of her high heels and with her shoes in hand, she leapt forward after the Avatar.

"Stop!"

But Korra didn't stop. She broke into a run instead. Each step, each thud took her away from Asami. The Avatar was reaching the end. They were reaching the end. Asami needed to do something, and she needed to do it now, before ... Korra dove off the platform.

"KORRA!"

Korra disappeared underneath the dark surface of the water the moment Asami skidded to a halt at the end of the dock. Without a second's thought, Asami threw her shoe to where the Avatar had vanished.

"NO! Korra, come back! You don't get to disappear on me now. I let you go three years ago without a fight, I'm not making that mistake again! Come back!"

But Korra had left.

Asami stood there, desperate to see the water break by Korra peeking her head out and smiling brightly. But seconds turned into minutes, each one more inevitable, more lonely, more silent than the last.

"Come on, Korra! Are you kidding me? You cannot leave, not now, not when I have figured it out!" A tear, fueled by a furious panic that she was too late, coursed its way down Asami's cheek and dropped into the bay. "Damn it, Korra, I swore I wasn't going to cry about this! Why couldn't you just have waited a few more seconds? Just a few! For once in your life, couldn't you just have waited? Noooo, you just had to spring your declaration of love on me and then give me what, five seconds to process?! What is that about? Why don't you ever have any patience?!" With a desperate, furious scream, Asami hurled her other shoe as far as she could into the water. Knowing she was mad at the wrong person, she sagged to the ground in defeat. "How could you leave me? How could you say that you love me and then leave without my answer! Cause I have it! I love you, too, damn it! I LOVE YOU!"

Asami didn't know how long she had sat there. It could have been minutes, hours. For all she cared, it could have been days. She hated time. No matter how she spent it, it always ran out. She never had enough of it. She did not nearly have enough time with her mother. She would have liked to have years more with her father. And now, with Korra ... If only the Avatar had given her a few seconds more ... Urch, if only she had been honest with herself years prior. If only ... Yeah, if only ...

With a weariness way beyond her years, Asami hoisted herself back up. The first stars had started to twinkle in the sky; their little lights reflected a thousand times in the calm waters of the bay, but all Asami saw was that none of them were as brilliant as those in Korra's eyes when she laughed. She resolutely turned her back to the water but did not move. Where was she going to go? Every fiber of her being longed to go after Korra, to find her and make her listen to her answer, but Korra could be anywhere. It wouldn't be the first time the Avatar had crossed the bay in a matter of minutes. Asami could go back to the party, but she was more than danced out and didn't feel like celebrating anymore anyway. She needed to do make some sort of decision though. She couldn't stay there forever, even if it was just because she was already starting to lose feeling in her bare feet. If only she knew where Korra had run off to ...

A soft breeze cradled her, bringing with it the distraction of a rustling of leaves and feminine giggling. For a split second, Asami's hart soared on the hope of finding Korra to be the noisy culprit, though it was crushed as soon as it had come. Aside from the fact that Korra just didn't giggle, it did not take long to spot Jinora in the thicket, a blushing Kai close behind her.

"Are you sure your father won't find us here?"

"Positive." Jinora turned around and draped her arms around her boyfriend's neck, bringing them close together; Kai's hands instinctively found their home on her hips. "Last I saw him, he was talking to Raiko about the future of the spirit portal area." She slanted her head and glanced up between strands of her hair, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "And I 'may' have told Varrick where he could find the glidersuits, so Dad will undoubtedly be busy dealing with that disaster in the making." "My my, 'Nora, you sure planned ahead to get me here alone and uninterrupted with you. I wonder what else you may have up your sleeve."

"Oh hush, you!" Jinora playfully ran a hand through Kai's hair and lovingly pushed his head to the side. "It's not like that. It's just ..." Even from a distant, Asami could see the dark blush forming on Jinora's cheeks as the young airbending master avoided Kai's eyes. "You've been away for so long, helping people all across the Earth Kingdom ... I missed you." She looked back at him. "A lot."

As Kai smiled lovingly at her and slowly leaned in, Asami looked away. The couple didn't know she was there, but she couldn't help feel like an intruder on this intimate moment. She wouldn't want anyone spying on her and Korra when ... Asami sighed and swallowed back the lump that had formed upon just thinking about her best friend, instantly modifying her thought. She wouldn't want anyone spying on her and Korra if she ever had the chance to make things right again. ''Where are you, Korra? I wasn't finished. We're not finished...''

The sweet romantic murmurs and soft kissing noises were not helping Asami's mood, and she sneaked away as stealthily as she could. Ascending the stairs toward the temple on automatic pilot, her mind occupied with plans on how to find and fix things with Korra, she blindly bumped into someone. Staggering backwards, yelping in surprise as she slipped off a step, a tattooed hand shot out to help her maintain balance.

"Careful there, Asami."

"Tenzin!" Asami heard the couple go silent not too far from them. "What are you doing here? Uh, I mean, I'm sorry for running into you, I should've payed attention to where I was going."

Her polite smile was returned. "That's quite all right. Are you all right, though? You look a bit lost."

"No, I mean yes, I'm fine, I was just ... thinking about everything that happened. So much has changed ..."

"Ah yes, Korra has transformed the world more in a few years than most Avatars did during their lifetimes. Speaking of which, do you know where I may find her? I thought I'd seen her disappear in this direction."

She disappeared all right ... I'm so stupid ... Asami slanted her eyes. "I really wish I knew where she was, but I don't."

"Oh, that's fine, I'll just ask Jinora if she can sense her. You wouldn't by any chance know where she is, then?"

Asami snapped to attention. Jinora can track Korra! She hadn't thought it possible, but a smile actually made itself master of her lips. "I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you again, Tenzin, I don't know where she is, either." For anyone else, it would've been the wind rustling the leaves, though Asami knew better; she could practically feel the sigh of relieve escaping the hidden couple and see the tension seeping out of their posture. If only she could get rid of Tenzin ... "But I did hear that Varrick is looking for you. Something about wanting to borrow a glidersuit to fly off the tower?"

"What?! That doesn't seem like a good idea!"

While Tenzin promptly left in a flurry of cloth, racing back toward the party, Asami turned toward the bushes. "It's all right, you can come out now, he's gone."

Like two children caught in the kitchen stealing a cookie, the teenagers emerged from their hiding place. "Thanks, Asami." Kai awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "That would've been ... yeah, just thanks."

"Don't mention it. I know what it's like to be interrupted by Tenzin." For the second time that night, Asami thought back to what could have happened under the gazebo if Tenzin had not appeared.

"I can't thank you enough, Asami." Jinora was so mortified, it was becoming difficult to see where her blushing face ended and her wingsuit began. "Really, I owe you one."

Asami smiled at her. "I'm glad you say that, as I have a favor to ask."

Trivia

 * The title song of this chapter can be listened to ***
 * Love being a burden like wings is inspired by a quote by Lance Sweets in Bones, season 4, episode 25, "The End in the Beginning".